- A dog's life
- A Saving Grace
“Louise, I really cannot permit you to read novels on Sunday.” “But, Grandmamma, this novel is all right; it tells about a girl who was engaged to three Episcopal clergymen, all at once.” - A Story from the Front
- A tragic moment for Smyth
A tragic moment for Smyth (who married for a home) Mrs. S. (who has the money) objects to the size of his tailor’s bill. - A widow
Little Sister: A widow? What’s a widow? Big Sister: A lady what’s had a husband and is goin’ to have another. - Advice to the mentally feeble
Keep out of politics. - Advice to the mentally feeble
By all means marry for a home. - Advice to the mentally feeble
Go back to the stable as soon as possible - Advice to the mentally feeble
Never by any chance stay at home. - Advice to the mentally feeble
Keep the mouth closed. - All sorts of pups
- All women look alike
The plump one complains that the modern fashions make all women too much alike. - Also Brave
An outsider at one of Mrs. Catchem’s evenings. - Also Brave
The parson’s wife. - Among those not invited
- Another case of trying to keep neutral
Couple sitting on a park bench not really communicating - Are you going to volunteer
She: Are you going to volunteer? He: If yes, no. If no, yes. - Aren’t there a couple of young men in there with Clara
“Aren’t there a couple of young men in there with Clara?” “No, only one. There isn’t a sound.” - Arthur says when he is at your house he acts just like one of the family
“Arthur says when he is at your house he acts just like one of the family.” “Yes, he seems to be just as much afraid of my wife as I am.” - Botany in the Bowery
“Where did you get those flowers, little girl? Off a tree?” “No, sir.” “Off a bush?” “No, sir.” “Where?” “Off a lady.” - Brother Brushes
First R.A. (who hates to be interrupted in his hobby but is doing his best to be polite).—“Done any work to-day?” Second R.A.—“No, confound it. That stupid ass Brown came to the studio and talked all the afternoon,—couldn’t do a stroke of work. What do you do when some idiot comes and interrupts your work?” First R.A.—“Oh, I go on weeding.” - Brother Brushes
“Do you want a Muddle. Sir.” - Can you come to the jeweler’s with me to-morrow, dearest
“Can you come to the jeweler’s with me to-morrow, dearest? I’d like you to choose the ring yourself.” “In that case perhaps you’d better save up a little longer, darling.” - Christmas Eve Visitors
- Costers and Cockneys
“Ow I s’y, look at ’er frills. Got ’erself hup like a bloomin’ ’am bone!” - Costers and Cockneys
Fat Party (after a war of words).—“If you come down our court to-morrer and bring a bit o’ fat with yer, I’ll bloomin’ well eat yer.” - Costers and Cockneys
“What price this for Margit.” - Costers and Cockneys
One Easter Monday. ’Arriet (watching the funeral of ’Liza).—“Nice sort of a Bank ’Oliday for ’er, poor dear.” - Costers and Cockneys
“Wot’s th’ row up the Court, Bill?” “Bob Smith was kissing my missus, and ’is old woman caught ’im. - Costers and Cockneys
’Arriet.—“Ow! I s’y, look at ’is bloomin’ ’At.” - Costers and Cockneys
“I ’ear as you don’t walk hout with ’Arry Smith any more.” “No, ’e wanted me to meet ’im incandescently, and I wouldn’t do such a thing, so I chucked ’im.” - Costers and Cockneys
“Ere y’are, Lidies’ Tormentors. ‘Two’ n penny!” - Do women propose
Mr. Wooden always wanted a tall, serious wife, while his friend Chubb intended to marry a cheery little woman. - Do you think you will be able to keep within your allowance this month
Husband: Do you think you will be able to keep within your allowance this month? “I’m afraid so.” - Don’t you get awful tired of doin’ what you’re told
“Between me an’ you, Uncle Jasper, don’t you get awful tired of doin’ what you’re told? Don’t be scared to answer. I won’t give you away to Aunt Jane.” - Even the fish have feelings
- Everyman to his taste
- Famous Actor
Famous Actor: Oh, yes, I’m married, but I always think it’s kind o’ tough on a girl that marries one of us travelin’ men. “Still, it might be worse. I suppose you’re away from home most of the time.” - Frederick enjoys the flower show in our village
- Have you ever written any editorials
Editor: Have you ever written any editorials? College Graduate: No, sir; but I think I might train my mind down to it. - Her Dance
- Household Decoration
Mantel ornaments for domestic cheer. - I don’t think married life is ever happy, anyway
“I don’t think married life is ever happy, anyway.” “Then, why don’t you divorce your husband?” “I’d rather quarrel with him than with strangers.” - I had a poet on one side and a millionaire on the other
“I had a poet on one side and a millionaire on the other.” “What did you talk about?” “I talked to the poet about money and to the millionaire about the intellectual life.” - In the Clouds
- It’s perfectly awful the way you continue to flirt with your old sweethearts
He: It’s perfectly awful the way you continue to flirt with your old sweethearts. I don’t believe you love me any more. And yet, before we were married, you told me I was a man of a thousand. She: So you were, my dear, so you were. But I can’t entirely forget the other nine hundred and ninety-nine. - Keeping Neutral
- Ladies and Gentlemen
- Leap Year
He: You never compliment me any more on my appearance. She: Oh, charming! Charming! Charming! - Looking over his latest investments
- Meeting her sister's city friends
- Mobilizing for the summer campaign
- Our uncharted coast
Very dangerous. - Out of Work
- Present plight of the European Debutante
- Sarah, what is that I smell
Skimpy Mistress (scenting unaccustomed delights): Sarah, what is that I smell? Undernourished Maid of all Work: I think it must come in from next door. - Seventh Inning - Everybody up
- Studies in Expression
Waiting for the flashlight. - Studies in Expression
Making it a jack pot. - Studies in Expression
Reading the play.