You don’t mean to say, Estelle, that you are tired of settlement work
“You don’t mean to say, Estelle, that you are tired of settlement work?” “But, Auntie, dear, poor people are so monotonous.”
Why aren’t you ready, Isabel
“Why aren’t you ready, Isabel? You know very well the opera begins at eight-fifteen.” “Oh! Gracious! I forgot all about it. I’ve been so busy writing this article on preparedness.”
Who is that tramping around overhead
He: Who is that tramping around overhead? She: Oh, that’s only papa. He always gets restless towards morning.
When women vote
Mrs. Jones officially notified of her election as sheriff.
When they get their rights
“It’s only fair to warn you that my son has never had a father’s care and doesn’t know the first thing about housekeeping.”
When Grandpa thinks of his mother
We have had a terrible scrap
He: We have had a terrible scrap. “And I came out ahead.” “No. I did. You accepted my apology.”
Tragic Moments 9
The one night a week that he dines at home.
Tragic Moments
Trying to be appreciative while the author of the verses looks over your shoulder.
Tragic Moments
The first stormy night in the cottage you have rented for the summer.
Tragic Moments
Something wrong somewhere—time 8.55 and still waiting for dinner to be announced.
Tragic Moments
A susceptible young man trying to make up his mind which way to turn.
Tragic Moments
Strong-minded Lady (on meeting the bride and groom): I trust you will be as happy as we have been.
Tragic Moments
The Rev. —— reads his latest comedy to his niece.
Tragic Moments
Which shall be her sphere?
Tragic Moments
Dad is introduced to the man of her choice—“the nicest, sweetest thing in all the world."
Tragic Moments
When your mother shows your best girl the door.
Tragic Moments
When your rich aunt arrives unexpectedly and finds you haven’t hung the portrait she sent you at Christmas.
Tragic Moments
His fiancée sees Captain von Hoffenfeffer in civilian clothes for the first time.
Three hundred dollars for that gown
“Three hundred dollars for that gown! Didn’t you get anything off?” “All I dared.”
The Wonders of nature
Fond Grandparent: I was exactly like him at his age.
The Third Generation
The Reason dinner was late
The latest things in mens styles
The latest craze
The Announcement of her engagement
That’s a fine dog you have there. What breed is it
“That’s a fine dog you have there. What breed is it?” “Sh! Not so loud! He thinks he’s a bulldog.”
That sofa must have been made for two
He: That sofa must have been made for two. She: It’s hardly short enough for that.
Temptation
Just before it’s too late.
Studies in Expression
Waiting for the flashlight.
Studies in Expression
Making it a jack pot.
Studies in Expression
Reading the play.
Seventh Inning - Everybody up
Sarah, what is that I smell
Skimpy Mistress (scenting unaccustomed delights): Sarah, what is that I smell? Undernourished Maid of all Work: I think it must come in from next door.
Present plight of the European Debutante
Out of Work
Our uncharted coast
Very dangerous.
Mobilizing for the summer campaign
Meeting her sister's city friends
Looking over his latest investments
Leap Year
He: You never compliment me any more on my appearance. She: Oh, charming! Charming! Charming!
Ladies and Gentlemen
Keeping Neutral
It’s perfectly awful the way you continue to flirt with your old sweethearts
He: It’s perfectly awful the way you continue to flirt with your old sweethearts. I don’t believe you love me any more. And yet, before we were married, you told me I was a man of a thousand. She: So you were, my dear, so you were. But I can’t entirely forget the other nine hundred and ninety-nine.
In the Clouds
I had a poet on one side and a millionaire on the other
“I had a poet on one side and a millionaire on the other.” “What did you talk about?” “I talked to the poet about money and to the millionaire about the intellectual life.”
I don’t think married life is ever happy, anyway
“I don’t think married life is ever happy, anyway.” “Then, why don’t you divorce your husband?” “I’d rather quarrel with him than with strangers.”
Household Decoration
Mantel ornaments for domestic cheer.
Her Dance
Have you ever written any editorials
Editor: Have you ever written any editorials? College Graduate: No, sir; but I think I might train my mind down to it.
Frederick enjoys the flower show in our village
Famous Actor
Famous Actor: Oh, yes, I’m married, but I always think it’s kind o’ tough on a girl that marries one of us travelin’ men. “Still, it might be worse. I suppose you’re away from home most of the time.”
Everyman to his taste
Even the fish have feelings
Don’t you get awful tired of doin’ what you’re told
“Between me an’ you, Uncle Jasper, don’t you get awful tired of doin’ what you’re told? Don’t be scared to answer. I won’t give you away to Aunt Jane.”
Do you think you will be able to keep within your allowance this month
Husband: Do you think you will be able to keep within your allowance this month? “I’m afraid so.”
Do women propose
Mr. Wooden always wanted a tall, serious wife, while his friend Chubb intended to marry a cheery little woman.
Christmas Eve Visitors
Can you come to the jeweler’s with me to-morrow, dearest
“Can you come to the jeweler’s with me to-morrow, dearest? I’d like you to choose the ring yourself.” “In that case perhaps you’d better save up a little longer, darling.”
Botany in the Bowery
“Where did you get those flowers, little girl? Off a tree?” “No, sir.” “Off a bush?” “No, sir.” “Where?” “Off a lady.”